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Thought You Knew

Advice for the Confused and Clueless from Ambrosia

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Greetings Gentle Readers,

I would like to thank everyone that turned out at Hamburger Mary's on Valetine's Day. It was lovely to be a part of that benefit that raised over $10,000 for people living with AIDS. Thanks again for all of the supporters and those (such as myself) that gave their time for this great cause.

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Dear Ambrosia,

I feel kind of embarrassed writing about this but I'm not sure where else to turn. My partner of nine years, I'll call her "Beth", is a loving and very giving person. She, um, well takes the lead in most situations, if you know what I mean. I get to follow her lead and try to be pretty and fresh for her. Well, nine years is a long time. I would never want to be apart from her. There's just one thing that I would want to improve on with her. When we get close, you know, intimate, things are well, pretty much the same each time, kind of like a recipe. Um, well this is so hard to say - she uses the "alphabet technique" when we're together. Are you familiar with this? I'm sure that you are - you know so much. Once she goes through the entire alphabet, she starts again with more energy with "A" and continues until I make her stop. I know there are other ways to do this - how can I bring up this sensitive subject without upsetting "Beth?"

–Alphabet Soup

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Dear Alphabet ,

I'm tempted to tell you, "now I know my A,B,C's next time won't you sing with me?" Just kidding. (For you Gentle Readers that don't know what the alphabet technique is....usually a heterosexual technique used to teach men cunnilingus. It's been suggested that the man trace each alphabet letter starting with "A" on the sensitive regions of his partner.) Seems that a lot of partners have similar opportunities in trying to keep things fresh in the bedroom.

Ms. Soup, I'm going to have to ask you to step outside of your comfort zone for this one. Perhaps "Beth" needs some more obvious signs of encouragement. Let "Beth" know verbally what you like and possibly physically (gently at first please!) too. Sayings like "Oh yeah, baby that's it!," "Get it., get it!" "Only you know how to do it," "Oh God yes!", and "Tear it up Big Momma!" are romantic and give the active participant positive encouragement. I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised at her reactions. As you pick up momentum with these techniques, you might try nudging her head into that hot spot, pushing it in further, or holding her head down with one of your legs. While it seems that she enjoys doing all of the work, I'm sure you'll be surprised how hot things get when you become an active participants too. I think nine years can handle this new angle! Good luck!

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Dear Ambrosia,

My boyfriend Rico and I have been together for three years. Part of what makes us so good together is that we both have bad tempers. Seems like we're always fighting and then making up. I like the making up part better. Usually, I make him think that everything was his fault and have a good time watching him make it up to me while I boss him around. I'm always looking for ways to get mine. I was bragging about this to one of my friends and they thought it was terrible. They told me that sex shouldn't be aggressive like that and should be loving and consensual. I think they're wrong and don't want to change this - what do you think?

–The Boss

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Dear Mr Boss,

It sounds like you and Rico are engaging in something that's commonly referred to as "hate sex" or as a "hate f$%@" (that word must be censored Gentle Readers!). I get a lot of questions about this one. Don't change anything about this - you're involved in a win-win situation. As some of you readers start to inhale, please allow me to explain...

Mr. Boss - some would say you're getting your cake and eating it too. I don't think that I need to explain to anyone why you're "on top" excuse the pun. You have an angry sexual slave, aggressively following demeaning orders trying to change your angry temperant to one that's sated.

As far as Rico - he is not losing at all. How wonderful would things be to have such an involved partner as Boss, coaching us along at every move, letting us know how we're appreciated (and how we're not in some cases), and enjoyed the close proximity of our body. What a great and healthy way to work through anger. Knowing that you deserve this coarse treatment and are getting it - this takes care of all business. How could anyone argue with the beauty of this?

I envy the two of you for your high level relationship. I hope you never hear any mealy-mouthed sniveling from each other - unless your mouth is full! Good luck and keep up the good work!

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Ambrosia wants to hear from you!

Write to her at ehutflie@cincyradio.com

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